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I feel like i'm reverting to my me from 3 years ago. The me from s5. The me who wouldn't mind if someone were to ran her over. the me who wouldn't mind if someone were to push her out of a window.

I feel like i'm not oging to do anything with my life. If i say in the academy, i won't do anything with my life. If i drop out i won't do anything with my life. No wammer what i do, nothing will come out of it.

My friend told me i have a signature style, i have something our classmates don't have. that they may be better at drawing realistic but their work isn't truly theirs. but what good is a signature when you don't have the technique? people aren't going to look at my art because it's pink, or it's filly or anything when others draw much better. i'm not going to achieve anything with my life. i don't even have anyone to really talk to. i won't have an appointment with my psychologist until february, i don't want to disappoint my parents, i don't want to start a conversation with my friends just to vent. i've sent a message to my brother to ask if he was awake, but i doubt he'll see it. i don't think so. even if he did, i don't think he'll answer.

don't think it counts as edit since i didn't upload the post, but he answered just as i was writing that. so i called him. i feel better now. i'm thankful for that, genuinely. 40 minutes of him calming me down and reassuring me. i'm realy grateful, he really has helped me a lot. i probably would have fallen asleep crying otherwise.